my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize