he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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