I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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