K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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