Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
