Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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