omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
