you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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