just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize