either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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