I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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