Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
