so that wasnt chicken after all
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
