Already got asked if we're dating
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
