He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
