you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
