Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I will be naked everywhere
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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