I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize