david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
