also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
