i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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