THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
