well you can't waste a boner
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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