New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
