my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
