And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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