my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
