I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
