3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
