Your mouth is God's brothel.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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