Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
