So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
