Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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