ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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