i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
