Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize