Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
