some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
