we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
