WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
