You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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