No period for spring break; use this wisely.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
