just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
