I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
kristin has been a bad kristin
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
