i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
this is an emotional support booty call
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
