I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
