We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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