Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize