The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
