So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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