So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
