It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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