1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
