called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
