Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
