Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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