when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
high people should be assigned attendants
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
