When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize