Well douche your snatch and let's go!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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