this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
