Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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