after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
