I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
