How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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