I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
