is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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